Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Moving!!

Attention, atención!

I will be moving my blog to a different site. From now on you can find me on

elsantuariodelamariposa@wordpress.com

los espero!

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

The faces of my phases

So I've realized that I go through different phases.

Ok last summer I went through my nail design phase. I was painting my nails sometimes twice a day. I made several designs and I would coordinate them with my outfits. Talk about too much time on my hands.

A while back I was into sketching. Ok I totally suck at drawing and wouldn't dare show my work to anyone, but I bought a hard cover sketchbook at Office Palace because it looked so sturdy and it was on sale.

Then there's organizing. I go through a phase where I organize or re-organize everything in my apartment. I take out everything out and then put it back until I am satisfied. This process can take up 3 days. Oh no could this be OCD?

Two years ago I bought a guitar. I went through my "I want to learn how to play the guitar" phase. I completely failed at that one because I didn't even follow through on finding an instructor.

Then there was...

scrap-booking. Got lazy printing out the hundreds of digital pictures I have on my computer.

learning Italian. Dropped out because I didn't have time, with 2 jobs and all.

reading. I re-read my favorite books. This was fun.

jogging. I would go run 3 miles everyday! This was a fun one. I even lost 10 lbs in a week! I remember my roommates took off for spring break and when they came back they noticed the change. I can't wait to be in this phase now that the Dr. ok's me.

gym/personal trainer. I joined a gym and in order for me to actually go to it I paid for a personal trainer. He looked exactly like the guy from that novela "Al Diablo con los Guapos." I would meet him at 6am. It worked because I'm such a responsible person and having an "appointment" made me never miss one. It worked out until I couldn't afford to drop $300 for another 10 sessions. I swore that after I learned how to properly workout I would continue going on my own. Fail. I started oversleeping and putting my 2 jobs as excuses oh and it was getting very pricey when in fact I hated working out indoors. I loved being outside that's why I love jogging.

biking. I bought a bike, but don't think I was into the whole cycling marathon thing. No. I bought a cruiser. I mean I live near the beach so I had to have a beach cruiser. Oh I can't wait to ride it again. I could now but where do I put the baby? In the basket? LOL.

And now I'm into...

CROCHETING!!

This is my passion. I absolutely love crocheting. I learned when I was 8. My mom taught me some basic stitches and I quickly learned. When I was in college I picked it up again and I haven't left the hook ever since. I wanted to create nice things but I didn't know how to read a pattern. I still have difficulty. I learned how to read the stitches and with a little bit of imagination I've created a lot of things.

I've created blankets, amigurumi figures, hats, purses and several little things.

There is just something about it that relaxes me. I'd be a happy one if I could crochet and run at the same time, because the only reason I stop is because I feel so guilty doing it. What do I mean? Well I am sitting on my a$$ for hours when I do so I have to take breaks. I love looking at the end results and now that I'm doing so many things It doesn't take me very long to do one beanie or an amigurumi.

I am going to now start selling these little creations of mine so if anyone is interested let me know.

I can already tell you what my next hobby will be. I just got a sewing machine so the possibilities are endless!

I would like to thank someone for putting up with ALL of my special hobbies and that is my husband. I love him so much. He never tells me anything and he loves to see me happy. He encourages my creativity. He works so much that I have plenty of me time!

Now with a baby, we'll see what sort of hobbies I get myself into.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Promotion: Full-time mommy

I never knew I could be with someone 24/7 literally! It's been a while since I put up my last post. I've had little time or should I say, I've had little "extra" time. I've tried making it easier by activating my mobile blog setting but I'm having trouble with it. It keeps showing error when I try to sync it with my blog. Oh well!

So what have I been up to lately? I'm a full time mommy silly.
Yep! Jayden has me at his service 24/7, but I'm not complaining I'm gloating. I am just so lucky to be the mother of this beautiful baby boy. And today...guess what? Today he is 1 month old! Holy Cow! I can't believe it either. So now you see why I have forgotten to write?

Last time I wrote about his acid reflux. Well he's doing much better although there are times when it gets worst and he cries and cries. He's been sleeping much better now that we have tilted his crib by about thirty degrees so he's not completely flat and his food can easily go down. Gravity.

He's by far more alert now. He loves to look around and he especially loves to look at daddy. He even laughs with him. I know, I know I'm starting to sound like those moms that swear their kid is the smartest.

We've been taking walks to downtown, the beach and the park. We've even taken him out to restaurants and he behaves like a good ol' boy. He's still perfect.

Spending all this time with him, just the two of us makes me feel a little sad too. I'm a little sad that my family is not with me to share this moment. I'm a little sad my mom and sisters have not met him yet. I'm a little sad things had to be this way.

I know I said I would forget everything and just live my life and focus only on my new mini family, but it's very disappointing to see how I went from a large family to only counting on a few members of my family.

It was my decision to disconnect any form of communication with certain people and it was to avoid negativity and problems. I don't regret it and I hope I never do, but thinking about all of this made me realize that something has not changed. I'm still the nice caring person because if I didn't care I wouldn't even think about it, right?

I probably don't make any sense.

One thing that makes perfect sense though is my reason to live and to be absolutely happy and thankful. I have a wonderful husband and a wonderful son and they are my priority.

I am a full time mommy and wife. When others want, I can be a friend too!

Friday, June 3, 2011

Update on Jayden

So here's the latest on baby Jayden...

Yesterday we went to the Dr. for his 2 week check up. He got weighed and he is now 9lbs 3oz! Of course he's going to put on some weight with all the milk he's drinking. He loves to eat more than to sleep.

So the question most people ask us: How are you sleeping?
The answer I was giving up until yesterday: Oh he's a good baby. He only wakes up twice at night to eat.
The answer based on the last two nights: He drove his momma bonkers! He couldn't sleep. As a matter a fact, he cried and cried until 1ish am when he finally settled down.

It turns out he has acid reflux! What? I know. I didn't know babies could develop acid reflux. So here are the signs. He cries randomly. He could be sleeping peacefully and all of a sudden let out a cry while he arches his neck and back. He also spits up or throws up a little of milk, even though I burp him after each feeding. The most frustrating one of all is when he's feeding he cries but wants to continue feeding. It hurts him.

The doctor said it's not what I'm eating that's affecting him but I have my doubts. Here is where I'm going to confess something... I drink coffee! I know I'm such a horrible person. I can't help it. I need it. I didn't drink it throughout the entire pregnancy. I only drink one cup a day. In the morning. Could it be that?

Another confession: I too have acid reflux/gastric ulcer and the Dr. said I shouldn't drink coffee, soda, alcohol of course or anything that will trigger it (spicy/greasy food).

But this isn't about me. It's about Jayden and I spoke to a friend that told me I should watch what I eat since everything I consume baby consumes. She recommended I drink chamomile tea.

Has anyone had this happen to their baby? I would like to look at natural remedies before we put him on any medication.

So baby acid reflux exists and if it's anything like adult acid reflux, it sucks for my baby.

Other than that, baby Jayden is doing great! Yeah I look like a zombie and am running on few hours of sleep, but it's all worth it. I know it'll be over before I know it and one day when he's older and moves out I'm going to miss these sleepless nights of trying to comfort him. Until then I will complain, maybe pull out some hair but will come back to earth and smile and realize you baby are the only one that can do that to me and still love you like no other.

Wish us a good night sleep!

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Mom's One Line a Day Memory Book

I thought I'd write an entry about one of my baby shower gifts. Don't get me wrong all the gifts we received in all 4 baby showers were great. This gift, however was given to me by my friend Zoie. It's special because I had never heard of something like this and for us that like to keep track of stuff or keep journals it's the perfect thing for a new mom.

It's called Mom's One Line a Day: A Five Year Memory Book. It's pink and it has the gold trim around the pages. It looks like a pocket bible.



In it there's five spaces (years) under each day. Now the purpose of this book is to record all the little things your little one does over the next five years. I think it's amazing! It's going to be a challenge to remember to write something everyday, but so far I'm on top of it.

I have placed it on my nightstand and I write something everynight. So far I have little things like, you smiled for the first time, you slept 4 hrs straight tonight, your umbilical stump fell off, etc. Now I've written more than just one line, but I can't just pick one when he's changing, growing and learning a lot each day.


To other people these little events might not mean anything, but to me they mean Jayden will be able to read his first 5 years. I wish I had had all the details.

In occasions I've asked my mother, When did I first started walking? She remembers it, but doesn't remember what day. I want to capture all of Jaden's moments so when he asks me I can give him an answer. He'll love the fact that I took the time to record every little detail of his amazing life.

I don't know where Zoie got it but I think it's a perfect gift for a new mom or any mom-to-be. So if you don't know what to give your expecting friend and you know she loves to write, this is the perfect gift. It beats the pre-made baby books. Short and Simple, but with a lot of love.

Monday, May 30, 2011

The Arrival of Baby Jayden

My baby boy is finally here with his family.

Our son Jayden Yahir Hernandez was born May 14, 2011 at 6:40 am weighing 8lbs. 4oz and measuring 21 1/4 in. long!

But before we he took his first breath and let out his first cry, mommy was believing Friday the 13th was really unlucky.

My contractions began on Friday the 13th (*twilight zone theme song) at around 9 am. I really didn't know what to expect. My husband was at work so I was home alone. I had had Braxton Hicks for the past two weeks so when I started feeling the first contractions that's what I thought they were. All of a sudden I started to notice a pattern. They were coming every 5 minutes. I waited an hour because the doctor's instructions were to wait until 411: contractions every 4 minutes lasting a minute and consistent for an hour.

At 10:30 I decided to call Carlos at work and by that time the contractions were every 4 minutes. He got home around 11 am. He was so excited and I was trying to relax. You're probably wondering what I was doing all that time? I was on my exercise/birthing ball. That was the only thing that helped me get through each contraction.

I decided to call my midwife a little after 11 am and I don't know if they assume all first timers exaggerate or don't know when the "real" contractions come. The person that answered the call said they'd pass that message to my midwife. A few minutes after I called my water broke. Now I didn't know my water broke because I was expecting a gush of water come out. It's never like the movies.

My midwife returned my call and said I am not the person to exaggerate and if I thought I was in labor than I must have been. She asked me to come into the office before calling the hospital. We drove to Aptos (past the hospital) and she did some test to see if in fact my water had broken. She also noticed that by that time my contractions were every 2 minutes. She said, "Honey you're ready to go to the hospital. You're in labor!" She made the call and they were expecting us.

We arrived at Dominican Hospital and the nurses up front knew exactly why I was there (could they have noticed my pregnant belly?) They led us to my room and that was it.

No really, that was it for ever!! They had me change into the ugly hospital gowns and they put all these monitors on my belly (okay it was only one monitor that monitored the baby's heart and another that kept track of contractions) They also told us we'd just have to wait.... and wait...

I had to have a labor picture.


At 6:30 they finally checked me and I was only 4 cm dilated. They didn't want to continue checking me because of danger of infection since my water had broken. We waited some more. The pain was getting stronger. I was drinking water like crazy and chewing on some ice. Finally, I decided to go into the shower and see if the warm stream would help. One word: HEAVEN!! I loved it! I didn't want to get out.

Then they informed me that my doctor was busy with family stuff and was in San Francisco. Sound familiar? She was not at a Bar Mitzvah though. She would not be coming back until midnight and I had to be seen by the on-call doctor. I was honestly in so much pain I didn't even care.

Contractions were getting stronger and stronger I thought for sure I had made some progress. After all it had been over 4 hours since they last checked me. At 11:30pm I asked them to check me. They did, and I got so disappointed to find out I was only 6 almost 7cm dilated. I had endured the pain for 16 hours now and although the plan was to go all natural I knew I had to make a decision.

I wasn't making any progress. My water had broken over 10 hours before and If I didn't get any rest I wasn't going to have the energy to push the baby out. That's when I asked for the epidural. I had to rest and the breathing exercises I was doing, didn't even help anymore because I was so tired to concentrate on not feeling any pain.

My life saver finally arrived, I kid you not, at 12am midnight. The anesthesiologist asked me to lean forward with my back out and to stay still. Now here is where I didn't know where it hurt. I was getting stabbed by a mile long needle while having to stay still through the strongest contractions ever. Talk about punishing Eve for eating that damn apple.

So this is where it feels like an episode of the twilight zone. I got the epidural at exactly midnight and the pain stopped as soon as Friday the 13th was over. It was now Saturday the 14th.

I was able to sleep for a little bit until I noticed nurses were coming in and they seemed worried. It turned out my baby's heart rate had dropped at a dangerous level. I didn't mention this but before all of this his heart rate was faster than normal. That is why they worried when it dropped so much. They decided to put more fluid in because they thought there was pressure on his head or on the umbilical cord and was causing lack of oxygen. They inserted a little heart rate monitor on top of the baby's head.

At around 4am they checked me again and told me I was 10cm! I thought now they'll tell me I'd have to push right? Now the epidural that I'd gotten was not all that horrible like the stories I've heard. I could feel everything except pain. I could even move my legs. I only had that one dose the anesthesiologist had put so it was wearing off slowly. Around this time I had a strong urge to push, but the doctor was telling me not to push because every time I did, the baby's heart rate would go down.

Again, because I was a first timer, they thought I wouldn't have the strength to push the baby out quickly and his life would be at stake. They discussed two options. The first option was to use the vacuum or forceps. I automatically knew I didn't want that. The second option was for C-section. I knew I definitely didn't want that either. They also told us our baby would have to go directly to the NICU because he might have gotten an infection since my water broke long time ago.

I couldn't believe what was happening. I just wanted to hold my baby. They were telling me he was in danger and if he did make it, he would be rushed away and I wouldn't even see him. My husband and I were so sad. This was not how it was suppose to be.

I decided to listen to my body. My body was telling me to push so I pushed. I pushed so hard that the nurses could see his head. Less than 40 minutes later I had given birth to our first son.

I cannot even begin to tell you how emotional it was to feel him on my chest, to see him move, and to hear him cry. My husband and I got close to our little one and we couldn't believe we had made this little miracle.

They didn't rush him right away after all. He was able to lay on me (skin to skin) for a good amount of time. Carlos even got to cut the umbilical cord. They took our baby for a closer evaluation since he was purple and most likely needed oxygen. Carlos was able to go with him, but I felt torn. I wanted to be with my baby.

This is the picture Carlos sent to my phone when he was in the nursery.


After a couple of hours I was able to go visit my baby at the NICU and even got the chance to feed him for the first time. That's when I found out how much he had weighed and measured. It was time to go back to my room and I had to leave my baby there. For the rest of the day, I would go back every two hours to visit and feed him. Our friends and family that visited us at the hospital would see him through the nursery window. I couldn't understand what was going on. My baby looked healthy. He didn't deserve to be there.


The next day they told us he had responded well to the antibiotics and he might just go home with us on Monday. On Sunday however they told us more bad news. They told us our baby was a carrier of a virus that could not be treated by antibiotics. Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus (MRSA) infection is caused by a strain of staph bacteria that's become resistant to the antibiotics commonly used to treat ordinary staph infections. People get this who have been in hospitals and who have gotten antibiotics. Now we had no idea what it was and just the sound of it scared us.

We had gone through an emotional roller-coaster that weekend and I didn't want to hear that my baby would have to be put in isolation because of fear of infecting other patients. That's when I broke out in tears right there in the NICU. The nurses and the doctors felt so bad for us they took us into a private room to explain to us exactly what this virus was all about. They didn't have much information because it was one of the first cases they had there at Dominican. They communicated with Stanford and would not get an answer until the next day.

They found a solution. So our baby wouldn't have to be in a backroom all alone in the NICU they decided to put all three of us in isolation in my recovery room. This meant that we would not have any visitors and all nurses and doctors needed to wear gowns, gloves, etc. before entering our room. We did feel isolated indeed but we were all together as a family. Now the only thing we would have to wait for was to see if he would go home with us the next day, or if he had to stay behind for as long as one week.

Monday morning came and so did many doctors, nurses and random people. The discharging process at a hospital is not like checking out of a hotel. It was not until 1pm that they told us our baby would go home with us. Finally, some great news. I dressed him up in his going away outfit and we were glad to finally be going home.


This is Jayden in his car seat and with his going home outfit ready to go home for the first time.


So we finally made it home and we could call ourselves a complete happy family.

This is our first family picture taken at the hospital. Mommy and Daddy are tired and all three have gone through a roller coaster of emotions, but we are happy to be together.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

El Día de las Madres

Hoy es mi primer año que puedo ser incluida en el hermoso mundo de las madres. Aunque mi bebé todavía no nace, soy madre. He tenido en mi vientre a un ser pequeñito durante 9 meses y aun sin conocerlo lo amo. Lo amo como una madre puede amar a un hijo.

Me gustaría felicitar a una madre muy especial...a mi madre. No necesito un día para recordar y valorar todo su esfuerzo para criarnos. Todos los días recuerdo todo lo que mi madre ha hecho por nosotros sus hijos. Mi madre, una entre mil. Ella que ha pasado por tanto durante todos estos años. Ella tiene un valor admirable.

La gente la ha criticado por decir basta ya! Muchos han llegado a decir que es una mala mujer, mala madre. Como se atreven a abrir la boca. Ella que cuando era maltratada y humillada por mi padre no dejaba de ser tan cariñosa y atenta con nosotros. ¿Buena actriz? No, buena madre.

La gente no tiene ni idea como fue vivir en mi familia. Y me llena de rabia saber que se quieren meter en asuntos que realmente no les importa. Quisiera verla diario y apoyarla. Ella busca felicidad. ¿Qué no tiene derecho de hacerlo? Mi madre se merece toda la felicidad del mundo. Me llena de tristeza que no la encontró con mi padre pero no por eso la voy a juzgar. Nunca es demasiado tarde para encontrar el amor.

Me opongo a la conformidad. Admiro a mi madre por salir de un mundo donde no era valorada como mujer, ni como madre. Mi familia no es igual. Estamos distanciados, pero mi comunicación com mi madre aun sigue muy firme.

Mi madre es lo máximo y no me importa lo que diga la gente. Nosotros sus hijos no podemos hablar mal de una madre que nos supo criar. Una madre que entregó todo para vernos a nosotros felices. Ahora yo la quiero ver feliz a ella.

Te amo mami!